Vol. 27: Oh You're a Manizer, Baby

Okay. So I’m convinced that girls, women, females—whatever you classify yourselves as—don’t know what the fuck it is they really want. Sorry if that’s harsh, but just hear me out. I’m not talking in any context of my life as it is right now; don’t just assume that this is about Ashley or anything. This isn’t about any conversations I’ve had – well that’s not necessarily true. It was a conversation I had on my way home from work that sparked this deep thought process I’m having.

Lately, I’ve been catching these signals from some long time former crushes. Please don’t assume that it’s you or your friend, because as you can tell, I do know a fair amount of ladies. Anyway, back in the day, I would’ve given anything – literally ANYTHING – to just hold hand with any of them, but now, when I can’t even look at another girl, I start getting the feeling that their affections are meant more than just BFFF. Maybe I’m wrong; actually, I’m probably wrong. I’m not trying to be cocky, I’m just frustrated. Why did they wait till now, years later and when it’s too late, to start dropping hints. What was wrong with me back then?

I touched on this in my last MILF about the skinny jeans phenomenon sweeping the country. What’s really fucked up about this is that females actually go for it. Everyday, I see girls, really good looking girls, wrapped around these guys… even the rocker or wannabe thug guys, because they’re “sensitive on the inside.” I’m not knocking being sensitive about a girl or whatever (case in point: AAS) but why do I have to be more female than a female to get a female? Why do I have to play the guitar or have a band or look like I haven’t bathe in decades for a girl to faint over me? When did writing poetry become subpar? When did a simple iloveyou become inadequate?

Oh, here’s a better question: why is it that the “good guy” always gets put in the best friend category? Like you’re filing him away for future reference when you’re ready to grow the fuck up. Why do you let these guitar playing, borderline emo guys catch feelings then feel bad that you don’t feel as strongly because you’re in love with someone else? Someone who, ironically, you’re not ready for “right now”? I really think it’s because you’re bored. You want to get out and experience life and do things, at the expense of several hearts in the process, before you settle down with the good guy. But guess what? A lot of times, the good guy just doesn’t want to wait for you to figure yourself out. And so you’re left there, looking stupid, remembering what you could’ve had when it was smack dab in your face.

Now I know what you’re going to say; “Why do girls have to look like Paris Hilton/Halle Berry/Eva Longoria (I’m trying to get all the races lol) to get a date?” Now I cannot speak for every guy on the planet, but we look for confidence. No matter what size you are, if you look like you know that you’re the shit (in a classy way); you’ll get a few extra looks.

I just don’t get why a man can’t be a man anymore. Why do you want to date your best friend? You know that you don’t, that’s why he’s your BEST FRIEND. I know I’m not the best looking guy in the world, but I try to present myself in a manner that says “Hey! Look at me. I’m not a jerk. I’m not looking for sex. I’m not gay. LOOK AT ME!” but it’s the cute, adorable “Hey There, Delilah” guys or the guys that look like they just smell....awful... that get all the love. I don’t want you to have to hold your breath when you hug me. I don’t want you pining over me like I’m a damn puppy. I’m a man. A man who knows who and what he wants and is willing to go for it all to get it. But I had to go all the way to North Carolina to find that, and when you get right down to it, that’s truly pathetic. Oh and what really gets me is how you always want to change us. You fight, bitch, and cry until we're finally different, and then...yep. You get bored, and want to move on to the next one. And then when your little feelings get hurt (again) you wanna scream "YOU WOMANIZING BASTARD!" So... What the fuck does that make you? Innocent? The Victim? You bounce from guy to guy shattering hearts and souls along the way just to satisfy your needs. And we're the bad guys? no sweeties, you aren't as innocent as you make yourselves out be. And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce you to the "Manizer". The determined woman who wants a guy to get emotionally attached, and then gets bored. Also known as a "Serial Monogamist". The funny thing is... THEY KEEP DOING IT! At least when a guy messes up, we try to learn and fix it. But ohh no. It seems females lack the gene of fault. Nothing they do or say, or even think is ever wrong. they are always the victims because they are oh so sensitive and oh so innocent. Come on with the bullshit.

And then you wonder why, when you’re 30-40 years old, you’re still single. You bitch and complain that you’re not satisfied with your life because there aren’t any good men out there. Well maybe the guy you were supposed to marry was the guy that you looked over when you were in high school or college. The guy that would've moved heaven and earth for you. Maybe all those good men got taken by someone who knew what they wanted. So you’re there alone and depressed, listening to Keisha Cole talk about how there are no good men in the world. Please, don;t get me started...

So let me know… why do you really do it? Why do you get our hopes up just to annihilate us in the end?

What do you really want? Do you even know?
Just some food for thought.

Till next time; peace, love and eternal jazziness
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.

Iloveyou sweetness

Vol. 26: What Not to Wear [EVER]-Winter Edition

now see i really would hope people would have taken heed to my first WNTWE, but clearly they havent. its just a shame that in such a sophisticated era, some people simply do not have any fashion sense at all. so here we go again. round two for all the people who cannot dress...the people who think they can but cant, and for those u just simply need to stay in the house.

1. first of all, why the fuck are so many dudes wearing skinny jeans? like for real, u look gay...REALLY gay. i mean if gay is your thing then by all means do what u do, but i couldnt wear anything that tight...i got nuts. they need breathing room.

2. uggs are still horrible, no matter what season it is, but i swear the first girl i see this summer with uggs and a mini skirt on is gettin stabbed in the damn throat.

3. REAL fur coats have neither scrunch bottoms nor zippers. i dont think too much more has to be said.

4. creased pants, like jheri curls, went out of style before i was born. k
eyword: BEFORE i was born = 20+ years

5. did u know: wearing a fitted on the OUTSIDE of your hoodie makes u look retarded?

6. more on furs: REAL furs dont come in red, blue, or green.

7.nobody wears jerseys anymore.... throwback or otherwise (thanks to alex for that one lmao)

8. shiny puff coats are hideous. not to mention u look like Missy from the "I Can't Stand The Rain" video

9. hoods with the fur line are meant for girls only. dont believe the abercrombie hype. you look gay.

10. u shouldnt wrap your scarf around ur hood when its cold..just...no...

11. if there is no kind of precipitation outside...yea...you shouldnt be wearing rain boots...especially ugly coach ones (*cough* ainsley *cough*)

please, people. please follow these simple rules. things would be alot more visually appreciated if everyone just actually had a thought process before putting something on. im not asking much, but please..think before you dress...

till next time, peace love and eternal jazzyness.

iloveyou sweetness.