Vol. 6: Dreams

now i may be mistaken, but aren't dreams supposed to detach you from the stress of reality? not to say that they are supposed to be all cheery and shit, but i mean if you had to think about your realities all the time, wouldnt you go crazy? well i dont know whats wrong with my brain but for the last year or so, my dreams have been representative of my reality, which is to say my dreams are my sleeping nightmares because the last year or so of reality has been that...a living nightmare.

so if you really want to get in touch with the importance of the dream i had last night, i would like to formally introduce you all to my nightmares (of recent weeks). FAMU finalized its royal ass raping. im in community college (which is more organized than FAMU), im severely broke with no prospect of a job, although i have looked all summer and still looking. my mom has a tumor and has to have surgery next week. and me and my girl have been having some issues (shes stressed, im stressed, and its takin its toll). reality, meet my readers. Readers, meet my nightmares.

im not looking for pity. im tryin to tell yall a story. so here it is. the dream that my brain managed to manipulate into a twisted, bastardized version of all my fucked up realities (of recent weeks)

i found myself back in high school. i dont know what year i was, but i knew that i was at some extra fancy magnet school that everyone knew about and was excited i was in. and to tell u it was a REALLY beautiful school would be an understatement. i was actually mad when i woke up cuz i wished i had went there. how i went from ignatius to a public school i dont know, but i do remember that whatever happened, i never wanted to go back to ignatius again. but thats beside the point. so im the new kid and im in classes. all the girls were really pretty, and you know, tryin to make me feel "welcome". just a side note: i dont remember all of the conversations of the dream so bare with me. anyway, so its lunchtime and i walk into the cafeteria which looked like the ballroom from Beauty and the Beast. so im walkin around tryin to find something to eat, with only 5 dollars in my pocket. of course, everything was more than 5; the salad was 7.83, a burger was like 8, and a candy bar was something else that was more than 5. so, feelin kinda embarassed, i started to walk out. now this is really weird but this kid who i swear looked like McLovin from Superbad had a gardening hose. now he kinda had it pointed up and ppl were walkin under the water but passed it. so i did me, and walked around a table so i wouldnt be anywhere close to it. next thing i know, McLovin aims the hose right at me and soaks me. i dont know why but i FREAKED OUT. the next thing i know, i punch the shit outta him, he falls and i go on this tyraid sayin stuff like "how dare you do that, you dont know what im going thru u jackass! you dont know what its like to be me" shit like that. im so mad that im just like fuck it and leave school. pretty fucked up right? well thats not even the hlafway point.

somehow the next thing i know, im in a car. i dont remember who was driving but i remember this bridge. and i said oh were goin to grandma's house, who lived in an apartment. the funny thing is that this portion of my dream is exactly the same as a dream i had about a month ago, except the apartment was mine and my girlfriends and i was with my mom. but this time, when we got there, it wasnt mine, or my grandma's apartment, it ended up being my aunts...who lives in orlando. (weird i know) so another fast forward and im sitting next to this really fantastic looking girl. i cant tell u what she looked like because i dont remember, i just remember she was really pretty. obviously shes not my dream girl, cuz that spots been taken, but she was really attractive. so were all talkin and then she like hugs up against me and puts her head on my shoulder, and i look down at her, and she looks up and we kiss! and even she was like "where did that come from" and i was like i have no idea. but then we start full blown makin out. now u know how they say u dont feel anything for the person you kiss if your eyes are open? well i swear in my mind i couldnt stop thinkin about my girl, and i knew it was way wrong for me to even look at this girl like that, and i knew it wasnt my girl so i was trying to open my eyes, like really tryin but it was like they were glued together. time now for a commercial break (so yall can go to the bathroom)...

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and we're back. so after the kiss, i felt like shit. i felt like shit's shit. and of course, she called me. and she told me that she felt that we were drifting apart and that she didnt know how she felt anymore, and i just poured my heart out to her, tellin her that she was everything i ever hoped for and that i never thought that i would find somebody that i loved as much as her, and i said i would do anything for her. now this is where it gets weird. and just another note: she would never tell me to do some shit like this:

so fast forward again. its me and my girl in the car, im driving but this time im outside my body lookin at the scene. and this is exactly what happened: she took her hair down and looked at me (damn shes so beutiful). anyway, she looks at me and says "baby, drive the car on its side." yea thats really weird, so i looked at her and i was like what? and she said "you said you would do anything for me, i want you to drive this car on two wheels" i guess i did it cuz the next thing i know im walking out of the county jail and shes standing there waiting for me, and she runs up to me and right before she kisses me, i wake up.

see what i mean? that was probably the weirdest dream ive ever had. if u can interpret shit, now would be a good time, cuz i cant keep dreamin about my day to day life.

anyway, till next time, peace, love, and all that gah'bage.
remember to always rokk your body ti its CoR.

iloveyou sweetness.

1 comment

Updated about 4 months ago

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 9:49am on August 30th, 2008 1. I told you four weeks ago to stop doing crack and alka seltzer together. I dont care how much they look alike, it's not healthy. You are supposed to mix BAKING POWDER with your crack D, dammit! 2. I'm sorry to hear about your mother, I aint even know about that, I hope she comes through with the best results possible. 3. How in the hell did u remember this much of your dream? The weirdest dream I've ever had was I dreamt I was like... a shopping cart, and I had like some grocery friends, like a box of cereal, and a gallon of milk, a box of crackers, I think I was on crack as a child.... 4. I still don't know what it means to Rokk my body to it's CoR... lol 5. That was the best sory ever although none of it made sense. I want you to tell me bedtime stories... dead ass, serious face (:|)

Vol. 5: McCain's Commandos

Ok so im not doing two things in this note; 1. im not bashing Cain. 2. Im not saying that Obama will be the greatest president ever, because he may very well become a worser (yes i said worser) version of the Great Dubya. I just find it interesting that there has been more rallying against a candidate in this presidential election than there ever has been in american history. with technological media expanding into the public domain, it is becoming easier for people to express their opinions, however unpredictable, irrational, and all around retarded they may be. and what encourages expression is the fact that most of these interest mediums are free to you and exploit. youtube, blogspot, friendster, hell even facebook are all ways for people to interact with others and express themselves. no harm no foul.

however, when it comes to the point where someone, who expresses general interest in reconstructing the flawed systems we live inis publicly and shamelessly ridiculed and perhaps unintentionally humilated, well that just doesnt sit right with me. i dare you: type in "against obama" and see how many videos come up.
so to all those who support McCain, why? i mean i know why i support Obama (not just cuz hes black). but why do you support McCain? im just a tad bit befuddled

anyway, tillnext time, peace, love, and all that jazz. and remember to always rokk ur body to its CoR!!

iloveyou sweetness

1 comment

Updated about 4 months ago

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 1:27pm on August 26th, 2008 There's a sentence in here that i just dont understand at all... like you left out some words or something... "however, when it comes to the point where someone, who expresses general interest in reconstructing the flawed systems we live inis publicly and shamelessly ridiculed and perhaps unintentionally humilated, well that just doesnt sit right with me." That sentence make no sense whatsoever. you gotta fix that, im trying to get it, so i can understand exactly where you are coming from with that thought... although this has nothing to do with what u are talkin about really, but i just wanna know cuz im curious. and when other people reply, i wanna understand what they talkin bout, cuz i havent been following the election enough to say why i would/wouldn't vote either candidate. If i voted for anyone, it would be Obama, and yeah, it would just be cuz he black, or cuz everyone else is doing it, and that aint right. just like my sentence grammar. ;)

Vol. 4: Happyness

DAMN!!! three notes in one day?!?!?! DON IS KILLIN IT!!!! lol but anyway on to the topic of the day...err of the hour... happiness. today on V103, the topic was "would you give up everything, friends, family, career, just to be happy" so me and my mom got in this whole philosophical conversation about it. my whole thing was who can define what happiness is, because the way they were saying that the happiness was the love of a man/woman. the example they used was Starr Jones and her whole marriage. now in my opinion, that is a bad example for a few reason. 1. the marriage was too short. 2. the marriage was too overexposed. and 3. this is an isolated case of marriage and the perception of happiness ruining one's career. and so i started thinkin: no matter what, ppl will want to be happy with another person because what is everything without happiness. because the lack of something is the lack of everything. while its not a physical possession, no one wants to be 75 years old and wake up in a single person bed. no one wants to be victim of the Cityboy Curse (see MILF Vol. 3).

now in my personal experience, i have lived on both sides of the fence: i was "in love" with someone and sacrificed many many things to be with her. i lost the respect of family members, friends stopped talking to me, i even lost a job opportunity, but none of that mattered because i was with someone who i loved, and [who i thought] loved me.

conversely, in a somewhat similar but totally arbitrary situation, i turned into a total dick. i had no love for anyone...but i had what i want, i had friends, everyone respected me, but i was miserable because nobody had affection for me. and thats what matters.

now you ask of both scenarios, which would a choose to go thru again. honestly, i would give up everything, or at least somethings to be with someone who i loved [and, according to experience, that may happen again]. because if ppl leave u or lose respect for u for no good reason other than the fact that you are with someone, then they really dont care about u as much as they say they do. now i wont take it to an extreme and say nobody liked her cuz she was a hoe, because then yes, i would be stupid. but if there is nothing wrong with the girl, shes sweet polite, doesnt cheat, the whole nine, and people dont like her, then everyone, you and your loved ones need to reevaluate what the respective relationships mean.
aint that just ignant?

anyway, till next time peace, love and all that jazz
and remember to always rokk your body to its CoR

iloveyou sweetness

2 comments

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 9:12pm on August 19th, 2008 Hey! 1. Im not tagged :( 2. This aint my MILF idea I gave you... i think. 3..... I've been in this exact situation too. I dont wanna go too much into detail, but getting out of that relationship was the best thing I couldve done. I thought I was in love, but i was really just looking for someone to be with so i wasnt lonely anymore, and that was the worst thing I ever did. basically that relationship (which ended cuz my parents made me tell him we cant be together, he became obsessive of me, i moved back to NC and all this happened on my graduation weekend celebration, which is why I dont like to think of it... it's a complicated long story that i couldve sworn i told u lool) but for a while I had been saying i wanted to get out of this myself, but then he would bitch up and start getting mushy on me (all like "baby dont leave me" "i love you, i wanna be with you" "i miss you" blah blah blah... and i dont like mushiness to this day cuz of that) and it's like, if i really did like him, i wouldve fought to stay with him... but then again, not related to relationships, but i'm thinking of dropping out of college and moving to ATL with Siah, Kennedy and Detroit and a few more Futuristic Peoples (cuz u know that's the group that i roll with) and they already there, and like 3 weeks ago I went up there and fell in love with it. I hate school, and if it wasnt for the 12 month lease I signed, I would go... but then again, im a bit chicken, and i'm used to being the one that my family can count on to bring them good news they can be proud of, like i'm my only fam member in college. im the first one to go to college, and im doing good, im not homeless or gay/lesbian, i have no kids, im not on drugs, basically, i'm the greatest thing they have, so to drop school would look bad for everyone else coming after me. then someone else would have that burden on their shoulders with even more force, like the more it's passed down, the more pressure it puts on the bearer. And me... Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 9:23pm on August 19th, 2008 being the caring and affectionate person I am, would care and not want my cousin Diamond or my cousin Codee, or Deshia, or Tynesha to have to be the one they critiquin every 3 minutes, always like, "Why u aint in church? what are your grades like? you not messing with boys are you? study your lessons and keep your focus!" blah blah blah that bullshit gets OLD! I'm not in church cuz i'm not christian (but i havent the guts to tell them yet, thats another thing my fam and friends would probably look at me differently for, when I tell them I'm a Five Percenter, or i'm in the Nations of Gods and Earths, see my note on the subject) I'm really failing cuz I dont wanna be here, i have a 2.0 GPA! I actually am going to go and fuck someone TONIGHT! (hahahahaha TMI!!!) I dont study, and I have a short attention span and a bad memory, The point is, people have to learn not to care what others think. You are yourself for a reason. I was not born what my parents wanted me to become! If my parents wanted me to become an Investment Banker, I was not born with a love of long division embedded into my cerebral membraine!!!! I am CRYSTAL NICOLE DAVIS, i'm not Fannie Mae Woodard, I'm not Sherward Wayne Davis, I'm not Duwayne Maurice Davis, I'm not Sandra Faye Robinson, I'm not Shirley Jane Davis, I'm not any of those people, they are them, I am me, which is why I (and you) must learn to live our lives as ________ ________ ________ wants to live them. If your name is Tabitha and you like Susan, go get her, if you are a business major at FAMU in Tallahassee but your heart belongs in Atlanta with your dreams, I say I chase it. Which is why i'm gonna start saving up the money to break my lease early, at least by January... but I doubt that...one can dream tho! LOL seriously, the day I get the money, i'm outtie, as a matter of fact, I have this hot swingin party to attend (and that guy to go F***) so imma hit u back later D. Tell me how you CoR and ya MILF goes.

Vol. 3: Forbes and 50

when i read this i said to myself "Don, there's a MILF in there." so lets see. how can i put this delicately. out of all of hip hop, how in the fuck did 50 cent, yes, FIF-TY CENT, make the top of Forbes' "Hip-Hop Cash Kings"? like for real out of all of the other moguls and millionaires in the hiphop industry, where the hell did he come from, cuz it damn sure didnt come from his game, movie, or clothing line. and his stint with Vitamin Water could not have racked in 150 mil in one year, so again. wtf?

i dont have anything really personal against fifty but for real, did anybody actually know he was on tour? more over, has anybody ever actually worn g-unit apparel that wasnt a gift, and even then didnt you wear it once and burned immediately afterwards? i cant hate on 50 because apparently (though not obviously) he's doin the damn thing. bravo. however, *comes in close* 50...curtis....what you really doin? you sellin that shit again? are you sellin that blow again 50?

anyway, till next time, peace, love, and all that jazz
remember to always rokk your body o it CoR!!!

iloveyou sweetness

10 comments

Updated about 4 months ago

Lorenzo Patrick (Williams) wrote at 10:23am on August 19th, 2008 As much as I'd hate 2 admit it, 50 Cent got EVERYBODY in his back pocket, even without sellin a record. He is one of the majority owners of Vitamin water (that's where all his money comes from). Not that many people know that, so they keep buyin the shit. If u want him 2 go away 4 good, STOP BUYIN DAT SHIT!!!!!! lol.....don't even taste that good anyways. It's fuckin watered down juice!!!!!! Report - Delete

Brittany Menifield (Japan) wrote at 10:30am on August 19th, 2008 he's a pretty smart business man but due to society and narrow minded pplz he has to have this "image" of being a dumb thug which he's not since he knew to make a good investment like that... he knows that with the music industry one min. u're hot and the next min. u're not but at least he wont be broke and he'll hav a lot of money I think he'll be one of the FEW rappers that'll still have money! Report - Delete

AlekSandr Indomitable Cole (Florida A&M) wrote at 2:48pm on August 19th, 2008 What people fail to realize is that the music industry is so bad right now in the states that many artist are focusing more on international tours... 50 is a very smart man, if you ever get a chance look up an interview he's done. Outside of all the beef and bullshit he brings to the media he's very well spoken and he is in fact a business man. He's about his money! I've always had respect for 50. Shit i have respect for damn near anyone who on their REAL 1st debut into mainstream music takes the dude that was on top in commerical rap at the time(Ja Rule) out the picture... dude can't even come back. And it may have look like beef to everyone nd it may have been beef but it was business all in the same aspect. Another example is when him and kanye had this fake rival shit going on.. everyone knew that it was no real beef between them but fans, media, and followers made it seem like a beef. That was nothing but a stunt used a lot in the music industry to sale records... 50 enjoys being on his shit so even if he goes after the biggest name in the game he'kll do it b/c he knows that it'll get him money b/c people in general feed on drama and gossip!... AC signing out! Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 6:44pm on August 19th, 2008 1. i'm tagged, that's whats up 2. how do u know this stuff? 3.I dont have a life, i live in my own world, i dont know what to say to it. everyone else was so articulate and could speak on the subject, but i'm just Crystal. Not even with a K. :( you love my friendship anyways! ps: that's whats up with the shout out to ya girl! Very classy! Hi Donavan's Girlfriend! :D Tell Donny to stop picking his nose and wiping it on me! >:( [as if he could when he in chitown, im in tallahassee] Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 6:56pm on August 19th, 2008 lol thanks kris but i think everyone kinda misunderstood my note. i wasnt knocking 50 for what he does. it just caught me off guard because he has been focusing so much on VW i didnt realize his reach was so far Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 7:04pm on August 19th, 2008 I wasnt either, i get what u saying too. I aint know how he was doing either, then again i dont pay attention to hip hop like that, I dont watch BET, i dont watch MTV, the only thing on VH-1 i watch is the reruns of America's Next Top Model (cuz i havent the patience to watch for 1 hour every week for like 12 weeks) and any of the "I Love The ____'s" shows. I love them all, I love the 80's, 90's, 70's millennium or whatever it's called. all of them! They so funny, but anyways, back to the subject, I dont pay attention, I dont care bout 50, nor hip hop. It's time for a hip hop revolution. Hip hop is personally, DEAD to me. (NOTE: this is MY OPINION! criticism will get u nowhere.) Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 7:08pm on August 19th, 2008 hmm. anothr milf topic. thanks kris lol Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 7:19pm on August 19th, 2008 YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSH! Translation: heck yeah! alright man killer awesome! On another note: remember how we were talking about walking around with band stuff, like a band, but not really playing anything? I think that's my theme for this school year. imma start dressing like a skateboarder, i want a tennis racquet (cuz I actually am trying to play for the school) and basically imma be a skateboarding tennis player, which has NOTHING to do with my original idea of us being a band but not playing anything! I'm so youneek :) LOL Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 7:20pm on August 19th, 2008 even the way I spell Unique is youneek Report - Delete

AlekSandr Indomitable Cole (Florida A&M) wrote at 12:42pm on August 21st, 2008 Hip Hop is dead! Completely!!! There's no argument there... I mean hip hop thanks to wayne and in my opinion other southern rappers has turned strictly into punch lines and phrases that are easy to remember but they hardly say a thing. (lol i like you kristal! you're different lol)

Vol. 2: Non Norm Relationships

So I think its about that time i speak on the negativity that Non Norm relationships entail. now ur probably wondering what a "non norm" relationship is. well my dear readers, a non norm relationship is one that is not the cliche stepford relationship. this includes, but is not excluded to: interracial, interreligious, and same sex. while i think this is going to open up a disasterously negative can of worms, i think it needs to be said because, while you may not agree with the circumstances, you cannot deny two ppl their primal nature of attraction.

this primal nature does not mean that everyone in the community should have a say in the matter because, everybody in the community doesnt have to potential spend their life with the person. the days of arranged marriages are long since gone in the major populous. moreover, when it really comes down to it ppl that would qualify as making the other have of a "normal" relationship understand that and understand the social pressure of engaging in a normal relationship and, in turn, dog the shit out of the spouse. and ive seen it in every way shape and form. ppl are attracted to what they dont know. the greater parts of the world were established on exploration and experimentaion.

now ur probably wondering what madetackle such an issue. a few things actually did. first, a friend of mine was telling me how she and her gf would always get side glances as they walked the streets of tallahassee. she wanted to know if i was interested in being a straight mind in a tallahassee gay/straight allainace. i told her not only was i interested in being a member, but i wanted to actively participate in the propaganda. i casually told my mom about the plain, and she was astonished at the fact that i was going to be a part of such a thing. that she never "thought a man of god would participate in something like this" now i respect my moms opinion 100% because she has the right to do and to say whatever she wants. but i just think its funny how ppl, especially my people, use the bible to justify homophobia, particularly because my people understand the struggle and what it means to be afraid to express yourself opinion for fear of persecution. and perhaps the biggest shock to me is that the excuse that homosexuality is forbidden in the bible is the exact same thing whites said about blacks: that it was writtien by god that blacks were to be inferior to, and were to serve whites. and yet, we continue to judge others solely on this fact, when we need to be focusing on reconstructing our communities and making sure our boys stay in school and out of prison.

the second thing that compelled me to write tonight is the fact that integration, for the most part, is a nationally cherished and accepted trait. however, it just boggles my mind at how interracial relationships are still looked down on. ive heard it all from all races: "they dont deserve that trash" "they always tryin to steal our men/women" now im not trying to call out anyone or point the finger because i hate it from all angles; white, black; male and female but last time i checked, you dogged me (relatively speaking) you you cheated on me; you didnt trust me. and now your surpirsed that ive found someone who enjoys my company? does it matter if she/he doesnt look like me? i mean ive (me that is)had shitty relationships in all situations, from FWB to crushes, but out of all 8 of my previous relationships (1 white, 2 hispanic, and 5 black) half of them cheated on me. now it wasnt the white girl and itwas one of the hispanic girls, but the majority of the black girls that did it. i just think its interesting that a real man is wanted and presented to you but then taken advantage of. now im not generalizing and saying all black females do this and im never gonna date another black girl, but i just think its funny that i always have to listen to how black men are all dogs and wone amount to shit, but here i am, a well educated, well mannered male, and i get cheated on. so i ask....are you surpirsed im with a white girl? and its not the fact that shes white, but she makes me happy. but im not trying to get to deep into my personal life. when it comes down to it, im not going to be content with being put down by my own women. im content with looking out for me, and i wouldnt be made if i saw a black woman with a white guy; she found someone to make her happy. more power to you

anyway, this is my opinion. maybe this will promote change. or it may get me strung up by my toenails. in either case, it needed to be said. u know me, i dont care, and im not taking it back. if your mad or offended, please think before you speak because maybe you have been a victim (or perpetrator) of relationship discrimination.

till next time, peace, love and all that jazz

and remember to always rock your body to its CoR!!

1 comment

Ashley Sisson (Charlotte, NC) wrote at 10:38pm on August 6th, 2008 well i completely disagree with interracial dating. lmao ok ok maybe not.=]