Vol. 19: Disgustation

dont try and bite my word. i had to make up a word in order to categorize my emotions right now.

i love my city. there is no place i would rather live. there is so much diversity and culture, the music is great, and the scenery is jaw dropping. but never, in my 20.02 years of life have i been more ashamed to call myself a chicagoan.

as you all may have heard, Julian King, Jennifer Hudson's nephew, was found dead on the westside yesterday morning. he was shot multiple times, including a final shot in the head. residents said that they saw the white suv parked on the street friday night, but because they thought the strange car was involved in neighborhood drug trafficking, they thought nothing of it. it wasnt until one of the residents' dogs (Lil Man) began barking at the car that someone called the police...this 3 days after its original abandonment.

ok. i dont even know where to begin. its not that im taking interest in this because its national news, but because of the lack of inaction in the community. the truck was parked out there on friday, and you didnt call the police because u thought it was drug related? do u understand whats wrong with that statement? i mean really? now granted, i know that area is not the best area in the world (my mom grew up around the corner from the scene) but regardless, if it was drug related, a murder, or somebody fuckin a male prostitute, u should have called the police. but weve become a culture of inaction. what happened to the times where you would see the white "we call the police" sign in every single window in every single home. now, tryin to find one of those is like tryin to find mutha fuckin waldo. but this is not where it begins.

in the 2006-2007 school year, 32 children were killed, in broad daylight, due to gun violence.... no suspects have been convicted

tell me something. how the fuck are THIRTY...THREE-ZERO... children murdered, in cold blood, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, and dont nobody see nothin? can somebody explain that to me?

im supposed to raise my children here? i dont even want ashley to move here. what kind of place is it where childrens murders can fill a calander month and nobody says a damn thing? i cant bring others to a place where i know if something happens to me, the chances of finding my killer are slim.

the point is, we need to do better. a shitload better if we're to provide and guide our future. this is pathetic. its disgusting. and its shameful. this is the first time ive been embarrassed of my hometown, and now the world knows just how fucked up it really is. im no snitch, but never would i allow any childs killer walk the streets. these kids didnt have to die. they werent doing anything wrong. most of them werent even in high school. this is wrong and it hurts my heart that i have to watch my city be engulfed by a fire greater than that of the big one of 1871. a fire of hate, violence and fear. take back the city chicago. do it for your children...and mine.

till next time peace love and eternal jazzyness.

iloveyou sweetness.

6 comments

Edwina Toka Jackson (TN State) wrote at 9:13am on October 29th, 2008 You really made some good points and it's a shame that this is our future if we don't try to make it better. SMMFH Good note Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 9:33am on October 29th, 2008 ur right about chicagos finest in the area, and i commend the man on calling when it first happened. but that was just one man, and thats my point. it takes more than just one person to get something done, anywhere but especially in that neighborhood. its not like there was a blizzard this weekend. people are always out in about over there. i can almost gaurantee u that that truck was passed at least 100 times over the weekend. a community needs to stand together and fight if things are to get done. and im not just saying that for blacks, but for everyone. its proven that if the community fights for something it will get done. they should have fought to get the police there sooner, but because no one paid it any mind, this young boys life was lost thanks for giving me the total on the body count. i couldnt find anything that had an exact number Delete

Robert Jackson (Florida A&M) wrote at 10:35am on October 29th, 2008 shit we makin our city look like detroit now. we gotta do better. Report - Delete

Ike SenorFresco Ofor (TCU) wrote at 1:46pm on October 29th, 2008 this is some good shit my dude. I've been on this same ideal ever since the 32 kids were killed due to gun violence in that one skool year. shit i member when after someone had gotten killed at Curie they had to damn near force kids to go bac to skool cuz the were afraid of retaliation. But i agree with you completely, the city of chicago, mainly the southside and westside, has gone by the wayside of moral values and muthafuckin common sense. I wanna hav a family in Chicago but i'll be damned if its on the southside or westside.I'll be damned if i raise my children in an all black neighborhood or send them to an all black school. I agree I'm fuckin embarrassed, not only of my city but my race. Its so sad to see how quickly we all have forgotten the non-violence mentality of one of our greatest leaders, Martin Luther King, Jr. So many blacks have forgotten what he actually marched and gave his life for. Its a fuckin disgrace and i'll go as far as to say now-a-days i'm sumtimes sad to call myself an african-american due to the ignorancy and complete stupidity that seems to run rampant through our race in this day and age. This isnt just a problem within our city but a widespread problem within our ethic culture. I've also said this over ad over again. I DO NOT AND I PRAY THE OLYMPICS WILL NOT COME TO CHICAGO!! that will put the city on a worldwide stage and i doubt drug dealers, pimps, and gangs will put their actions on hold for a month. this comment is bout to be too long in a min and my class is about to end so i'll give part two on my thoughts a lil later ... but there will be a part two focusing on the context in which we raise our children now-a-days .... Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 3:33pm on October 29th, 2008 i didnt know u felt so strongly about it. ur right tho. u rarely hear about senseless violence in lincoln park or wilmette or mt. prospect. this is a cultural problem. the really messed up thing is that the majority of our people dont even realize the ramifications of their actions. they dont realize what the olympics is going to do to this city. and for those who do realize the underlying truth behind it (such as myself) were met with disbelief. im sorry to say that were an "i told you so" culture. we dont believe what people have to say about things that directly effect us until its too late. then we get mad and wanna blame everyone but the people who really are at fault. thats why i love all my friends. none of them are going to be swept into that cycle. you all realize whats going on and are willing to fight for change, not because its what everyone else is doing but because its the right thing to do. Delete

Alex Banks Fleites (Loyola Academy) wrote at 3:41pm on October 29th, 2008 from going down to home run inn the other day with donovan (DELICIOUS), i realized just how segregated our city really is. i think the city is starting to do something about it, maybe not the right way, by kickin out many familys and pretty much forcing them to live in the suburbs (ie skokie). but something needs to be done, b/c ppl, esp. kids, shouldnt be dying like this. its sad, but its the reality, and until something gets done, nothing will change that.

Vol. 18: We Some Niggas

about a week ago i was over a friends house, for reasons id care not to delve into. regardless, were all chillin right. so my guy is on the fone with his old rommate, who my other friend knows. so shes asks whos on the fone, he tells her, and she replies "go tell that nigga to get off the damn fone." (mind you shes white)

now i had my hood on and i kinda raised my head and thought "did she really just say that?" so i pulled my hood back to look at her, and she had her hand over her mouth, apologies flowing.

"damn. she really did say that." i thought to myself. but in the state i was in, i really didnt care.

the next day. i was on my way home, and i couldnt stop thinkin about it.

should i have called her a racist bitch?
was i wrong for not going off on her
she said it so naturally. i wonder how often she says it.

those were the questions zooming thru my head. but then i came to a realization: who was i to tell her what she can and cant say. now that may sound real uncle tom-ish but hear me out

every single day, no matter where we are, we hear the word nigga at least once. whether its in a song, a movie, a book, or just general conversation, we hear it. we hear it so much we dont even realize it anymore. so naturally, dont you think people are going to think that its an acceptable word? take the channel TNT. they dont censor it anymore. theres a store in Kenya called Nigger, with clothing and other merchandise geared around black american culture (what they see on tv). lil jons song Real Nigga Roll Call had the word ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX TIMES. 146 times in 4 minutes! Gorilla Zoe called his song Hood Nigga. people in the malls and on the street, in plain ear shot of all cultures scream the word when they are trying to get the attention of someone they know. and you are still wondering why its thought to be acceptable?

we need to change that. if were going to bash any non black person we need to completely abolish the word. you dont hear gays going around sayin "oh shit! whats up my faggot!" have you heard a white person sayin "i cant believe that honkie did that!" do you hear hispanics saying "whats good, spic"? no these are the taboo words. words that are offensive to popular society (rightfully so) but you dont hear those demographics using those words on a daily basis. they dont say "thats our word. you cant say that" you wanna know why. because they DONT SAY IT. who are we to claim a word? what ownership do we have on it? we didnt invent it. tru it was and still is a racial slur, but that value has been depreciated because of the commonality of its usage today. so the next time you feel the need to get offended by someone saying it, think about how many times u heard it, or even said it yourself, before that person did

a few notes:
first, i only used tose other slurs in context. i hate those words. i am not racist or sexually insensitive. i simply used them as examples.

second, if i hear the word used as a term of demeaning black people, i do get offended and i do cuss them out accordingly.

third. this isnt giving non blacks a pass to say it whenever they want. all in all. its offensive no matter what your skin color is

fourth. the non-black friend was not ashley. the girl shall remain nameless.

lastly, i really want to openthis up for discussion. i want to hear ur voice on this one. everyone. white black, hispanic, EVERYONE and i think my tagged friends will open it up for CONSTRUCTIVE discussion. please note, if you start some drama on hear i will delete u as a friend. arguing is ok but keep it clean please.

till next time peace, love, and eternal happyness.

iloveyou sweetness.

7 comments

Updated about 2 months ago

Ashley Sisson (Charlotte, NC) wrote at 7:29pm on October 24th, 2008 ooooooo such a threat " i will delete you" hahaha im shakin in my obsessed-with-donavan's-notes boots=] jk jk but yeah i think its ok to say nigga i say it i say it to my white friends ironically enough lol but hey i dont find it offensive and they dont either. I watch who i say it to and around. if the ppl i say it to or around are cool with it, then i say it. plain and simple. as for it being ok to say the dreadful n word, im not sure why its accepted, but it is. and thatll never change. things that are socially accepted just become more and more so until they are so played out that no one cares. literally, no one. except that one person in every group of friends who just wants to be complicated and complain about sumthin. =] a side note that is completely irrelevant: i know why we love each other. we're on the same intellectual level. damn ive been waitin my whole life for this. haha finally, someone on my page. Report - Delete

Michele Nycole Hubbard-Smith (Chicago, IL) wrote at 7:45pm on October 24th, 2008 I Think you are right. the word nigga is used way too much but as long as she didn't say NIGGER and there is a dif. then it can pass. Report - Delete

Katrina Kay Poole (Goodrich High School) wrote at 8:35pm on October 24th, 2008 You are right about how the word is used WAY too casually in today's society. And that's actually the reason I wouldn't have gotten mad at the girl, this is the society we live in. My girl Kristen & I discussed this last night actually because we were working with a white guy that thinks he is gangster & he uses the word often. Well Kristen found the word offensive (and she's white) & that lead to the same idea about how we can say Nigga but if you call a white guy a cracker, he seems to get pissed off.... Report - Delete

Alex Banks Fleites (Loyola Academy) wrote at 9:00pm on October 24th, 2008 first off...i was there when this occurred :) yay me..but IMO there is a difference between saying "nigger" and "nigga". both are offensive, b/c they both mean the same thing, even though "ga" is more acceptable in our society then "er". the fact of the matter is ppl (white,black,purple) are gonna keep saying nigger, spic,honkie,chink, b/c they've become acustomed to it. its kinda like when a black person who grows up in winnekta and a white kid that grows up in south chicago..the winnetka kid can get away with acting ghetto b/c hes black..and the white kid cant....well b/c hes just a wigger. Report - Delete

Alex Banks Fleites (Loyola Academy) wrote at 10:20pm on October 24th, 2008 tony, you my friend are a wonkie...or a higger.. Report - Delete

Thalia Susanne (Ill. Chicago) wrote at 11:27pm on October 24th, 2008 hmm..you know this is a very interesting issue for me...because, well, you know how my group of friends usually is, Donavan. ^_^ first off, i NEVER say the word, even though it's in basically every song i listen to and i've even gotten "permission" from all of my friends. i don't feel it's right to say it because not only does it reflect poorly on blacks, it showcases the ignorance of white people...which is why i've always refused to say it. it bothers me when other white kids feel that they can say it whenever, wherever (actually, it bothers me when everyone says it, but for some reason, white people in particular), especially when all they hang out with is white people. there's a sense of understanding and relating when you hang out with a certain racial group, and if a white kid who hangs out with only white kids is saying the word like it's nothing, i would have less respect for him/her because in my eyes, he/she doesn't understand the weight of it. also, i've talked about this with my friends before, about the songs and whatnot. now, i'm sure everyone knows The Dream's "I love your girl." how am i supposed to sing along to that song?? the catchiest part of the song is riddled with the n-word. and after hearing it at EVERY SINGLE party i go to, it gets harder and harder not to sing along...but ok, i'm done. i think it'd take too long to explain ALL my thoughts on this....and the thoughts that are on here aren't even complete. i know this is long already...sorry! haha.

Vol. 17: Palin Around

as we reach the 21 day mark to this historic presidential election, my thoughts seem to wonder as to why Sarah Palin is focusing so much on defaming Barack. for much of her recent publicized interviews and speeches, sarah has gone on, in great detail, about how barack is "pallin' around with terrorists" if you arent aware of who this terrorist is, she's speaking of William Ayers, a former domestic anti-war radical from the SIXTIES(more specifically, 1968 and 69). now if this is the case, sarah palin is saying that obama is close friends with someone who was a terrorist when obama was 8 years old and she was 5ish. does anyone here "pal around" with anyone who is 25 years older than them? didnt think so.

so why dont we talk about sarah's pallin. why dont we talk about the Alaskan Independent Party and how she gave a speech at their convention. why dont we talk about how, prior to 2002, her husband (and i use that term loosely) was a valued member of this party.

why dont we talk about a guy named Joseph Vogler, a man who has been noted on several occasions about his utter disdain for America, its values, and its government.

"the fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the american government, and i wont be buried under that damn flag."--Joe Vogler

how about how he has been quoted as saying he strongly believes that Alaska should secede from the union! now history wasnt my best subject so i need some help. does anyone know what happened last time a state seceded from the union? now whats really hilarious about this is...VOGLER FOUNDED THE ALASKAN INDEPENDENT PARTY. is it just me, or does anyone think that sounds like domestic terrorism at its finest?

heres an idea sarah. why dont you stop focusing on obama and people he kinda knows and start worrying about what it is u will be doing as a VP, since u made it quite obvious u have no idea what your job will be. http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=2708&f=10&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/29/sarah-palin-what-exactly_n_122514.html

why dont you bone up on ur current events by picking up a newspaper, since u read "all of 'em". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRkWebP2Q0Y

why dont you worry about learning the supreme court decisions
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalinvideos/youtube/palin-supreme.htm

why dont you worry about getting some more politicking under your belt since you are a first term governor from alaska (but barack is inexperienced? im confused). sorry no link lol

why dont you worry about taking care of "your" child with down syndrome and your underage daughter who's pregnant with that chocolate baby. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VELIG92GDXw

i think she just needs to stick with the pole, if you know what i mean
oh and final thought. does anyone else think she sounds just like the mom from Bobby's World? "Dont cha know?" hahaha ok im done

till next time, peace love and eternal jazzyness
get off your AAS and rokk your body to its CoR.

iloveyou sweetness

2 comments

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 10:16am on October 15th, 2008 WOW! I love it when you have ya shit together! Go you bro! Love ya Donny D PS I'm doing much better in Atlanta :) Report - Delete

Michele Nycole Hubbard-Smith (Chicago, IL) wrote at 9:57am on October 16th, 2008 Thats good shit my dude

Vol. 16: What Makes A Bastard

couple things before i start. first, i dont remember what MILF this is. i really dont care right now; ill fix it later. second thing i know i probably wrote on this a little while ago but this time itll be more indepth. third, this is not because of what happened between me and ashley. dont think it, fathom it or guess it. its not. its just a realization ive come to.

so what makes a bastard? i guess most of u would refer to them as dawgs. u hate them, cry over them, leave nasty comments on their walls when they leave u in the bed. but did anyone ever really think about what could be going on in his head.

i think most people, men and women would agree that it takes alot for a man to express his love for a woman openly. we arent really taught to do that. we were taught to never show emotion; not to cry, or be sad or anything like that. but the one thing that truly hurts anybody but especially men is when they are heartbroken, because of the fact that it takes so long to show their feelings, that when they do they are truly commited to that person.

now here is a key element to women that i have noticed for a long time. yall dont know what yall want. think about it like this.

you have a man and a woman walk into a mall separatedly. they both need to go to macys to get an outfit for a party

the woman will walk into the mall and walk into every store on every floor just window shopping. she doesnt get anything, she just looks. then she spends 2 hours in macys trying to find an outfit but ends up walking out with just a belt.
on the other hand, the man will walk into the same mall, walk directly to macys, get his outfit and maybe something to eat, and leave. the only time a man spends more time in a mall than he has to is when hes with a female.

that indecisiveness is the root of all evil and it plays out in every situation. u say u want X, Y, and Z, and when the man finally gives u Z, you want H. then L. then Q and it takes forever to find a damn Q. so when that man is desperately trying to find Q, ur over in the corner talkin it up with some guy that has a J.

whats the point of all the letters? men; we are bred to be providers to our spouses and families. but we cant provide what we dont know is needed, and we cant read minds. it is truly not fair when u find someone else who just happened to pick up on that one thing we couldnt. and thats what makes a dawg. after so many times of this happening, the guy is just like "why the fuck am i still puttin up with this? everytime i try to make a woman happy its just never enough. what the fuck am i doing wrong. u know what, to hell with it. thats the last time i worry about what a female wants." and so he focuses on what he wants, not caring about who or what he hurts in the process. hes just so tired of giving a damn about people who dont. hes tired of falling in love with people who dont love him equally. and so he becomes a dawg. not necessarily on purpose, but it happens. its a coping mechanism. the pain of the past just needs to be healed for a quik second, so he can feel something...anything. so he finds a girl, flirts, fucks and leaves. and then u sit there lookin all hurt and confused. u wonder why he doesnt love u. u didnt do anything to deserve this. well maybe u did it to the guy before him. hes just getting justice.

u can have fun, go out and date, but dont try to make a man fall in love with u. thats how the cycle starts. thats how its perpetuated. and thats why falling in love is so goddamn hard.

till next time

iloveyou

8 comments

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 12:47pm on October 6th, 2008 ilylab but besides that, i understand what u are saying, and this makes SOOOO much sense. I wish I knew how to break this, because things like this are what's drying up all the good men resources. All the good ones are either being loved by a woman who makes sense, or being turned into dawgs by women who didnt love them right. I wish I knew what to do, although i have to admit, i am indecisive too, but i know what i want in a man. and if he isnt fitting the bill, then i will simply address that and make the best decision: love em or leave him alone, What u want shouldnt be a game or 21 questions. it should be simple. If it's picky/tedious, its understandable, but yet in some circumstances it may just be that what u want may just not be where you are looking. ok if u have your mind set on a particular brand and color of shirt, and u look through all the stores in a mall for it, and they dont have it, then i guess u have to settle for the next best thing, which even then won't make u happy because it isnt what u searched all that time for... you understand? Settling for second best is never fun... you have to have what u want in order to have that complete and undeniable happiness, granted that sometimes some people may just be asking for too much, for instance looking in JC penneys for Dolce and Gabbana Sunglasses in the eyewear section, you feel me? I JC Penney is what u have to work with, you just going to have to be forced to settle for JC Penneys and compatible brands. Report - Delete

Ashley Sisson (Charlotte, NC) wrote at 2:57pm on October 6th, 2008 it's so ironic that this is your realization after an entirely indentical situation just happened with us and yet it has nothing to do with us. weird. Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 3:20pm on October 6th, 2008 ....... Report - Delete

Ashley Sisson (Charlotte, NC) wrote at 3:39pm on October 6th, 2008 Kristal, btw, you really seem to understand all of this. there are many good guys out there but what if you just want to be friends? you shouldn't be made to love. "and if he isnt fitting the bill, then i will simply address that and make the best decision: love em or leave him alone" it would be great if this was as easy as you make it sound. but it's just not. Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 9:49pm on October 6th, 2008 I understand. And i feel you one that, It's probably best if you were friends first. The you can actually FALL in love, if that is what is to be.... If not, then you will have one of the BEST guys friends a girl could ever want. And me personally, i'd rather have that than a BF. Relationships are so.... tedious. where as friendships are much easier to maintain. Relationships arent for me, thats just because i dont like to be kept tabs on constantly, and to be questioned. I am a free spirit, i like going and coming as i please without answering to someone definately. I am not saying this is how u should be or NOTHING or the sort, i'm just saying thats me. Thats how i am. Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 10:36pm on October 6th, 2008 why cant i come to a realization without it meaning anything. i get it, ok. i really do. i told u i want to be friends. i was talking about this with kristal last night and i said "maybe ill write a note about it. its ironic yes but irony and silence always makes people think more clearly than normal Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 10:42pm on October 6th, 2008 That is true... you did tell me about this last night. You even let me read it before ya posted it. Report - Delete

Donavan Blankman MadDawg Williams wrote at 11:14pm on October 6th, 2008 u always told me to express myself and say whats on my mind, but then when i do u get upsetor think it means something. this didnt mean anything. if it did it would have been an entirely different note. i cant tell u how i truly feel because that runs the risk of losing u completely. please just think about that.

Vol. 15: No Justice

im sorry but that OJ Simpson trial (the latest one anyway) was the biggest load of fucking bullshit i have every seen in my life. i wasnt even writing this, but when i saw that news feed on yahoo i couldnt help but stop and say "what the fuck?'

its not even the fact that hes gettin put away for armed robbery. theres (alledgedly) no way of denying that. however, why in the fuck does a robbery, in which no one was hurt, harmed, or killed, get him put away for LIFE!!! LIFE for robbing a casino and bringing a gun. Danny fuckin Ocean didnt even get life and hes a PROFESSIONAL.

u know what this is right? people were so pissed off that he didnt get put away for Murdering Nicole Simpson. u know what. i cant even think logically right now. thats how pissed off i am. maybe i shouldnt be tho. i dont know why im surprised. just read this fuckery.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081004/ap_on_re_us/oj_simpson

till next time peace love and eternal happyness

iloveyou sweetness.

2 comments

Edwina Toka Jackson (TN State) wrote at 6:07pm on October 4th, 2008 im sorry but thats funny as hell lol Report - Delete

Kristal Nicole (Chattanooga, TN) wrote at 12:14am on October 5th, 2008 OMG!!! Thank you!!! You get it! That's why I think he's getting Life too!!! I'm like damn, it's bad enough that he aint get put away for her trial, so they gonna get him hard with this shit. Then again, he evaded life/death penalty once, what in the hell was he doing trying to rob someone in a damn casino anyways? That was dumb on his part.

Vol. 21: The Ultimatum

i actually started this note friday night, but thought it best not to post it because of the strong implications and assumptions that could be made. im not singling anyone out. the actions of an individual gave me the premise to write this, but no one, whether i tagged u or not, should feel victimized or offended by this note. its kind blunt and may be even a little harsh, so i will point out that i do love everyone of my friends; some more than others. u all have stood by me thru the best and worst times in my life. there is nothing i wouldnt do for my homies, even my newest ones.

however. it seems that alot of people have problems with me and ashley. some may feel justified to feel so, but others are just pissed that a white girl (whos not completely white) got me. thats well and fine and all that; everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i really need to make something very apparent to everyone who thinks they are helping when i have problems with her. i do not need people to fight my battles. if i have a problem with ashley, or anything for that matter, i can and have the upright ablility to address it as i see fit. the most i will need from anyone is a shoulder to cuss on, but do not feel that just because i shared information with u, u have the right or position to act on my behalf. it doesnt matter whats going on, its our problem. outside parties, as it was made very clear to me tonight (which was actually friday night), only create more problems.

just know this, i have done it before and i will do it again. i will cut off people who i feel are not being helpful to my situation. that means if u dont have anything positive or constructive to say about anything pertaining to my relationship, keep your mouth shut. if u knew what has gone on between me and her the last 4-ish years then maybe u can say somethng but it damn sure wouldnt be anything that would jeopardize our relationship. and dont think that what u read in my notes justifies u getting into business that is not urs. and this does not just apply with ashley. with anything.

point blank. stay out of it. if i ask for ur opinion its because i think that u know the current situation well enough that u can give me constructive advice and u are not basing it solely on what u read on my face. this thing goes way deeper than that. and if anyone knew that, they damn sure wouldnt be getting into it.

so let me just say whats been going on. yes ive been really frustrated with ashley the last few weeks. yes she has been neglecting me, she admitted to it and apologized for it. yes weve been going at each others throats. however, i was wrong where i was wrong because i didnt trust her, and i had negativity coming into my ear. i knew why she was gon all the time; we talked about that weeks ago...months ago. however, i lost sight of that and let my emotions get in the way (which is something that rarely happens). i apologized for that. we both had our faults but we talked about it ourselves and put it passed us. but the very next subject was about my friends and the nasty habit some of them have of expressing their opinions where they are not due. it happened with allison. it happened with nora, and its happenin yet again. i love u all because u challenge me and u dont always tell me what i want to hear. but it is not anyones place to get into my relationship situation and express their biased opinions. why do u think that i would want that? i only ask people who have a relevent view in the situation to say something (case in point: ainsley) however, if u are not a direct contributor to the direct problem do not share ur feelings, because that just creates more tension. i dont do that to u. im grown. i dont need this kinda drama in my life. i got way too much other stuff going on to worry about the drama thats being created "with the best intentions"

if u havent noticed. im just a teeny bit pissed, but i really need everyone to understand the level im willing to go to.

so till next time peace, love and eternal jazzyness
iloveyou ashley