Vol. 21: The Ultimatum

i actually started this note friday night, but thought it best not to post it because of the strong implications and assumptions that could be made. im not singling anyone out. the actions of an individual gave me the premise to write this, but no one, whether i tagged u or not, should feel victimized or offended by this note. its kind blunt and may be even a little harsh, so i will point out that i do love everyone of my friends; some more than others. u all have stood by me thru the best and worst times in my life. there is nothing i wouldnt do for my homies, even my newest ones.

however. it seems that alot of people have problems with me and ashley. some may feel justified to feel so, but others are just pissed that a white girl (whos not completely white) got me. thats well and fine and all that; everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i really need to make something very apparent to everyone who thinks they are helping when i have problems with her. i do not need people to fight my battles. if i have a problem with ashley, or anything for that matter, i can and have the upright ablility to address it as i see fit. the most i will need from anyone is a shoulder to cuss on, but do not feel that just because i shared information with u, u have the right or position to act on my behalf. it doesnt matter whats going on, its our problem. outside parties, as it was made very clear to me tonight (which was actually friday night), only create more problems.

just know this, i have done it before and i will do it again. i will cut off people who i feel are not being helpful to my situation. that means if u dont have anything positive or constructive to say about anything pertaining to my relationship, keep your mouth shut. if u knew what has gone on between me and her the last 4-ish years then maybe u can say somethng but it damn sure wouldnt be anything that would jeopardize our relationship. and dont think that what u read in my notes justifies u getting into business that is not urs. and this does not just apply with ashley. with anything.

point blank. stay out of it. if i ask for ur opinion its because i think that u know the current situation well enough that u can give me constructive advice and u are not basing it solely on what u read on my face. this thing goes way deeper than that. and if anyone knew that, they damn sure wouldnt be getting into it.

so let me just say whats been going on. yes ive been really frustrated with ashley the last few weeks. yes she has been neglecting me, she admitted to it and apologized for it. yes weve been going at each others throats. however, i was wrong where i was wrong because i didnt trust her, and i had negativity coming into my ear. i knew why she was gon all the time; we talked about that weeks ago...months ago. however, i lost sight of that and let my emotions get in the way (which is something that rarely happens). i apologized for that. we both had our faults but we talked about it ourselves and put it passed us. but the very next subject was about my friends and the nasty habit some of them have of expressing their opinions where they are not due. it happened with allison. it happened with nora, and its happenin yet again. i love u all because u challenge me and u dont always tell me what i want to hear. but it is not anyones place to get into my relationship situation and express their biased opinions. why do u think that i would want that? i only ask people who have a relevent view in the situation to say something (case in point: ainsley) however, if u are not a direct contributor to the direct problem do not share ur feelings, because that just creates more tension. i dont do that to u. im grown. i dont need this kinda drama in my life. i got way too much other stuff going on to worry about the drama thats being created "with the best intentions"

if u havent noticed. im just a teeny bit pissed, but i really need everyone to understand the level im willing to go to.

so till next time peace, love and eternal jazzyness
iloveyou ashley